home

a few days ago, a woman that disciples me told me that she and her husband’s prayer for me had been that i would find somewhere where i could be myself, love myself, flourish, and share my story. she told me this as i told her about my new church home with an inexpressible joy. i had just left the church and was driving to go take some leftover food downtown and decided to give her a ring. she goes to my old church, and it has been hard not seeing her as much. but when she told me that that had been their prayer, it ignited two very important things in me. first, i was so blessed to hear they had been praying for me for those things, because those were the things i couldn’t think to pray for myself. i just wasnt happy at all where i was anymore. i was very disillusioned, hurt, and uncomfortable for a lot of reasons that no longer matter, but it was so nice to hear that they cared so much that they knew to pray that. the second, most important thing i thought of was how faithful God was to answer that prayer. he answered it to the fullest honestly. that group of people is more kindhearted and sincere than any other group i’ve ever met.

let me tell you a story. last night, i was getting ready to go to church, and i was all ready to go— tanning lotion in hand, as i was going to stop on the way to tan— when i turned around and realized i had locked my keys in my car. it didn’t take me too long to realize i wasn’t going to be on time to church, if i even made it there at all. so i called my youth leader, and she said that they would be there awhile if i got done in time. about 30 minutes later, i finally got my keys (after a very angry conversation with God and lots of kicking brick walls), so i headed out to the church. i walked in and breathed in the familiar smell of requited love. i was greeted with squeals and smiles from my girlfriends and a joke and an eager hug from my pretend husband garrett. that really made me happy. hugs make me happy. touch in general does. i laughed and laughed and laughed, and all i could do was sit and soak it all in. the closeness of us all, how amazing it all was. how much it had all changed in a matter of days. it was amazing, really. things don’t always stay like this, you know, and i want to soak it up as much as i can. i only have a few more months left at home and then i’m off to auburn. i wonder every now and then why God waited so long to send me to this place— this place where i finally feel free to be me— and i remember how different things were just a few short months ago. i would have written off the group as “not spiritual enough” for me, or maybe i would have said it was simply “just too small” for me. whatever might’ve happened, i am home. this is my home, and i love it.