where i've come from and where i'm going

i've realized over the past several weeks one very important thing: i love myself. i don't know that i ever did before, and i don't know that it's consistent, because i do have my moments. but i do think it's really important. and it's a huge step. in fact, these are the things i love at the moment:
1. who i am
2. what i'm doing
3. who i'm doing what i'm doing with
4. the little things
5. my mother, even though she won't touch me right now because i'm sick (which explains the arbitrary inclination to blog today). it should also be noted that sunday before i came home, all i wanted was a mama hug. now i have to wait a few more days for one.
6. my new stepdad/family. someone asked me today if i liked my stepdad. i am proud that i could answer with a yes, knowing that my stepdad is someone i do truly like and love, and who i know likes and loves me. (he's not afraid of my sick germs either! at least someone in this house loves me!) the person who asked me informed me that i am probably the only person he knows who doesn't hate their stepdad. i feel very lucky that i have that.
7. my relationship with my dad. its scary opening back up, but good. i am seeing the fruits of a refreshed and renewed relationship everyday, as i lose the anger and bitterness i have been carrying little by little. what an answered prayer.
8. my sweet sister. i've become eternally grateful for her over the past year, and as she's gotten older, i've come to realize how much of a blessing she is to our family. as much as i hate that i didn't learn this sooner, i'm so glad i see it now. i miss my goodnight kisses!
9. new things. i'm just really interested in trying new things nowadays. like LIMUN, sociology, contemporary issues, youth judicial, etc. i'm ready to take advantage of the fun stuff while i can.
10. stereomood.com. best music website ever.
11. beth moore's study on david. most mind and heart opening study i've read. well done, beth moore. looks like you did a much better job on this one than on breaking free!
12. growing up and feeling confident. i think it just comes from knowing who i am and loving that person. and the inspirational quotes you'll find below :)
13. this strange satisfaction that i have that has come from opening up to myself and being cool with whatever comes out. i've always had this weird idea about how i wanted to be slightly more artsy, and i think it was really just the real me trying to scratch her way out, and now i feel artsy and intellectual.
14. inspirational quotes:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

—Marianne Williamson

http://explorersfoundation.org/glyphery/122.html

& this one:

"hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."
-william cargrove
not inspirational, but so true.

oh and this one:

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss


15. driving. my car is where i get away. nuff said.
16. getting back into contact with my old friends from elementary school. the normal, not-snobbish ones that are worth talking to, that is.
17. scientific american mind (magazine) (scientificamerican.com/mind)
18. mental_floss (magazine) (mentalfloss.com)

obviously, this is not the end-all, be-all list of what i love right now, but it's a preview. or, in other words, that's where i'm at.